So today, I had another one of those moments. A moment where your brain suddenly jams up and then your eyes just start welling up. And very unhelpfully your mind chooses to put further emphasis on issues in your life which can be better/has gone wrong/you don't have answers to. Even if before that you weren't thinking of anything negative, at that moment, everything you've done seems wrong. Everything seems not good enough. Then you start asking yourself if it was all your fault, if you were the cause of things going wrong. Of course, you won't have an answer to that because that's just how it works. You keep repeating the questions till your brain exhausts itself looking for the right answers. That's when a happy thought hops right back into your mind, and the dark clouds which just a moment ago were looming above your head, are chased away. The sun shines again bla bla bla. But at the back of your head, that question mark remains, and whenever necessary it will occur to you once again as an unanswered qualm.

The ambiguity stays. It's still right here sitting in my head, and I am not anywhere near satisfied. Was/is it my fault?