indigestion

I've been flying solo for a few days now, and I've had too much time to spend by myself. It sucks when I have too much time in my hands - it just makes me think so much. I begin to think about everything unnecessary, generate them into something negative and then fret over it. I'll place myself in worst case scenarios that my head makes up just to further disturb me. Now, I really don't know if I ever got through to you, or will I ever?

I'm sipping my iced mocha at costa coffee in some foreign land as I type this. And as I type, I'm worrying even more. I've been thinking about my future too. And really, what am I doing about it? Am I submerging myself in redundant commitments, am I tying my feeble self down with too many unanswered questions, am I being grateful at all? Nobody said growing up was easy, but it can't be this difficult either right?

I've made a deal with myself. There's no way my future will be ruined in the name of puppy love, or in the name of wealth (pfftt if that ever comes into the picture). I am the only kid left for Ibu and Daddy to thoroughly rejoice over, and I shall not spoil that. Once school starts, that will be it. I will make that the best time of my life. I can't wait for August to come. Well partly cs there'll be a short getaway with them cousins to KL. Hehehehe. I will make sure that I love 2009. I already am in love with this year anyways. Almost literally. Nyeahahaha.

Let's just say a few days back a certain someone made me see how very insignificant I could be in your life, and that is a tiny part of why I'm worrying so much. This is the 2nd best thing that has happened to me, and it would kill me if anything happened. I'd hate to be in paranoid city most of the time.. but I cannot help it sometimes. I've been the happiest since the first time I saw you. You're already in my bloodstream. So please, stay.