(You guys wouldn't be interested in this post, so run along)

Okay so, I'm having a paper tomorrow. But here I am updating. There's something really wrong with me. In fact, I dare say that I'm on the verge of utmost misery. I don't think I have ever felt as such, but yes I do feel this way now. No one is to blame. I have issues, with myself - PERIOD.

I hate how I feel most of the time. I would rather stay in my room, surf the net, do nothing basically. I would rather sleep, and watch tv rather than socialise. I don't know if I was meant to be this way or if I chose to be this way. Sad to say, I have really forgotten how to have fun. My degree of self-control has definitely gone up but is it for the better, really? I have yet to find out. I really cannot wait for June 4th to come. That will be the time when I'll be able to find my true self and pay (almost literally) for all that I've done/not done throughout my 16 years. I do not expect myself to suddenly change into this perfect, flawless human being who does more right than wrong. But I for sure will want myself to change into someone better as days goes by.

(If you've already read up to this line, kudos to you cs you managed to get through the monotony)

School, school. Another word I dread to hear. It's not that I am not happy with where I ended up in. It's just that I'm amused at the fact that a part within me still refuses to accept where I am, and what I have to do. The social circles are widening, but are chances for me to spread my wings increasing too? Until today, I still feel trapped. I do not know what's my next step. And I hate that. I can be patient, but I dislike the very fact that I can only foresee as far as I think. I need answers, very accurate & honest answers. I know of only One who can give me those answers, and I'm working on speeding up the process. Hence June 4th. Truthfully, I cannot wait. Although deep down inside, there's fear. I think I've already mentioned that earlier but who cares. I feel like typing my heart out tonight.

"Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's when you'll find me. Lost till you're found. Swim till you drown. Know that we all fall down. Love till you hate. Jump till you break. Know that we all fall down "

I know God has allowed us to choose. And this time, I have made my decision. I choose to take it slow. Not like draggy slow, but slow. I will swallow what's been served on my platter. I will take it like a Man. I have loads more to say, but I have a paper tomorrow which I think I'll do badly for. But it's alright, I will go through this with pure confidence and I will be powered by awesome. Thanks for reading babies. ♥