Why do I feel as though the weight of the world is on my delicate shoulders? I feel as though I can't take it anymore. I feel as though the pieces just don't fit. I feel small, worthless, and out of tune. Someone please, anyone. Reel me in already. Fish me out of this misery.

I wonder why it's so friggin hard to convince myself sometimes.

(I really hope the only reason I'm feeling all this is cs its THE time of the month.)

Saviour

"anyway, i think i wanna talk to u about something. but i'll tell you later.."

That's not always a bad thing right? Right?!

Too much

Crap. I feel like crap.

Edit/:
I was totally not feeling it last night. Seriously hate it when people come and go, and whenever they come, they take so much from me. When they come, they expect me to be there. I will not elaborate because if I do, I'll hafta wage wars with someone. Anyways since it has been 1 whole day, I should be over it all.

I feel like taking a break from the cyber world. Go 3-4 days without the comp, without the internet. I think Imma do that. I don't see the purpose of coming online or reading ppl's blogs anymore. Everyone's just so friggin' conceited and full of themselves. Drives me crazy! Ergh shut up already.

Till I feel like it, bye.

"I've been searching for you. I heard a cry within my soul. I never had a yearning quite like this before.. Now that you are walking right through my door. All of my life where have you been? I wonder if I'll ever see you again. I know we could win. A sacred gift of heaven. For better for worse wherever. And I would never let somebody break you down. Or take your crown, never. I've searched through time, I've always known that you were there, upon your throne. A lonely queen.. without her king. I've longed for you, my love forever."

Such an old song. Heard some guy play it at Arab St the other night. Haven't been able to get this (or the guy hahaha) out of my head eversince then. Talk about brainitch man.

Again

It's really strange how we will get really distant after dealing with our own commitments. It gets quite exhausting when we have to start all over again all the freaking time. I'm thinking it's either we will just crumble or, get too used to the routine. Lose-lose situation? Yea pretty much. Nonetheless I am not throwing in the towel just yet. Let's just let time tell.

March holidays. Let's just hope my students aren't all into studying. I need time for myself too! Being the bride-to-be's sister ain't no easy task man. Especially when your sister is very particular about every single thing. Pfft. Thank God my excitement isn't dying out yet haha. India in less than a month away. Exciting much.

There are so many sales and fairs happening lately that I keep asking myself this,
"RECESSION? WHAT RECESSION?"

No one seems to be suffering from it by the looks of how they spend nowadays. I heard about a Topshop sale going on too omg omg I must stop spending. Then again when I look around and see so many people queueing for the cashier, I just couldn't care less. Ohwells till soon lovelies!

Everything has been perfectly fine. I am really glad I'm not just rotting at home and waiting for time to pass me by. Only a few weeks and I've already done so many new things haha. Imagine what I can do in 2-3 months. Good God!

Anyways just as I'm exploring new things, I've discovered new things too. Things that I wish I didn't know. Because i'm the type of person who prefers to not know. I'd rather not know than know something that will hurt me in the end. Sigh.

All i ask of you is for you to stop playing games with me. Take me seriously for once. Practice what you preach.

100 Truths

100 Truths!

1. Last beverage: Sky juice haha
2. Last phone call: Riduan
3. Last text message: Ali
4. Last song you listened to: Savage Garden - To the moon and back
5. Last time you cried: Can't remember

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Yeah.
7. Been cheated on: Not really.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it?: Hahaha no.
9. Lost someone special?: Yes.
10. Been depressed?: Not to the extent of cutting my wrists.
11. Been dumped?: No.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Sky blue
13. Green
14. White

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Definitely!
16. Fallen out of love: Nope.
17. Laughed until you cried: Hahaha all the time.
18. Met someone who changed you: Kinda sorta~
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yep.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Haha yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All.
23. How many kids do you want to have: 2
24. Do you have any pets: Nope wish I had a cat though
25. Do you want to change your name: No reason to
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Wasn't very memorable, no offence
27. What time did you wake up today: 1030am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Snoozing
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Sister's wedding
30. Last time you saw your father: 2 hours ago
32. What are you listening to right now: One Republic - Come Home
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?: Being fat
36. Wha'ts your real name: Nurul Natasha, not Nutter
38. Zodiac sign: Libra
39. Male or female: Female
40. Elementary: ChongFu Primary School
41. Middle School: Evergreen Secondary School
42. High school: Oklahoma City
43. Hair color: Mahogany
44. Long or short: Long
45. Height: 157 cm yes laugh all you want
46. Do you have a crush on someone?: Yes a huge one
47. What do you like about yourself?: Dimples
48. Piercings: Ears
49. Tattoos: None
50. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :

51. First surgery: Left arm
52. First piercing: Ears
53. First tattoo: Never
54. First best friend: Farhana
55. First sport you joined: Netball
56. First pet: Terrapin
57. First vacation remembered: Cameron Highlands
58. First concert: Avril Lavigne
59. First crush: Shah Rukh Khan
60. First love: D90.

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating: Nothing
62. Drinking: Water
63. I'm about to: Hit the sack
64. Listening to: Pitbull - Krazy
65. Waiting for: My rocket to come

YOUR FUTURE :

66. Want kids?: Yes.
67. Want to get married: Yes.
68. Careers in mind?: Quite a number

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

69. Lips or eyes: Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
71. Shorter or taller: No one can be shorter than me sia -_-
72. Older or Younger: Older
73. Romantic or spontaneous: Both pls
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: I don't actually care
75. Tattoos or piercings: Neither
76. Sensitive or loud: Both, but he totally needs to know which quality to use and when
77. Hook-up or relationship: Hook ups are more fun
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

79. Kissed a stranger: HAHA YES.
80. Fell on the head: No
81. Lost glasses/contacts: Omg yes
82. Had sex on first date: No
83. Broken someone's heart: I hope not
84. Had your own heart broken: Haha I hope this didn't happen but it did
85. Been arrested: No
86. Turned someone down: Yep
87. Cried when someone died: So many times
88. Broken a bone: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself: Yes
90. Miracles: Ah huh
91. Love at first sight: Only if he's really cute hahaha wtf
92. Heaven: Surely!
93. Santa Claus: Haha no
94. Angels: Yesss
95. Kissing on the first date: Depends?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes :(
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? With what I've seen.. No.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? My heart
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? I guess

Lauryn Hill

Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true.. Can't take my eyes off you.

Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray.

I logged into blogger.com today with only 1 thing in my mind. An issue which has been in my head. What does it mean when someone says, "No one loves me" ?

I am a big fan of love. I don't waste, nor do I take for granted. Love is essential. I believe that love is usually a want more than it's a need. And because it's a want, we humans, get greedy. We expect more. We yearn for more. Therefore when we don't get more, we sulk. We allow our perception of love to change simply because of that one instance. Is that fair? I say not.

As much as someone may love you, remember that no one is physically, emotionally or mentally able to love you unconditionally. Take love in bit by bit, as sipping a drink with a straw. And you'll never be thirsty for love. Live life in moderation. Hasn't that always been the winning end of the argument? ;)

Don't ask for too much. Because at the end of the day, deep in the bottomless pit of our hearts, we know that everything.. is actually nothing.

Alhamdulillah. 1) I got an A for my Graduation Project. 2) I will be teaching on a permanent basis now on Monday and Wednesday evenings. 3) Got out of SGH fine. Can't find anything else to be ungrateful about. But for now, I want nothing more but to recover fully. Have me in your prayers guys, please. Watch the video (above). It calms me down all the time. Nights lovelies.

(3:01 AM) Adilah: anyway*apparently the boys have been actively cnatcting us to meet up huh?
(3:02 AM) Adilah: i heard that they've been bugging you as well
(3:02 AM) nutter™: haha yea they have! whats up with that huh
(3:03 AM) Adilah: like they were saying how they kept asking you and you kept saying no, and i know why when i finally met them. cause im usually busy so i always said no, but recently i decided why not. but i was so like errrrrr yeah thats why i decided to pm you! my goodness i never spoke to rosminshah my entire life
(3:03 AM) Adilah: i dont even rmb being friends with him in pri sch and i know why you dont want to either
(3:03 AM) nutter™: hahaha im sorry but honestly i dun think im on the same page as they are.
(3:03 AM) Adilah: its just so
(3:04 AM) nutter™: we're leading different lives la apparently and they can be a pain.
(3:05 AM) Adilah: awkward. yeah. and then like abit redundant. the questions they ask. like ros ask about MDIS. how would i know sey. i dint reply till the next day, and i said sorry, i dont know, and he went like "oh its okay, dah tanye natasha" then i was like, oh mannn you poor girlcuase they told me how suhaimee is still interested in you
(3:05 AM) nutter™: hahahahahaha
(3:05 AM) Adilah: and has been asking you to go out
(3:05 AM) nutter™: omg that.
(3:05 AM) Adilah: haha
(3:05 AM) nutter™: i dunno where that came from you know. like, what why and WHEN! and eewwww?
(3:05 AM) Adilah: ahahahah YEAH
(3:05 AM) nutter™: please la rosminsyah's tryna be funny too. im just so disgusted. dun mean to be a snob or sound snobbish but i cannot take it
(3:07 AM) Adilah: its okay, i totally understand and i think some times you just have to take the call. its not being snobbish babe, i think they need to do something else other than this, whatever it is they are doing.

-----

(3:07 AM) nutter™: getting on my nerves. and what's worse, they're telling everyone about it. i mean what the hell?
(3:07 AM) nutter™: how does that make ME feel man
(3:09 AM) Adilah: haha, yes. i was stuck for an hour talking nonsense or how cute you are. one girl with two guys, doing that. yeah but i knew that you were going ballistic, i mean they can tell me how you are responding to them so unfavourably but they still like dont get it themselves and thank god azmi was there, other than suhaimee
(3:09 AM) Adilah: if not i would have left and have you seen suhaimee's friendster pictures

----

(3:09 AM) nutter™: omg they did that? and hahahaha yes i have!
(3:09 AM) Adilah: like when he gives me a how are you comment, i just ignore i dont even want people to know we're connected its a bit bitchy butlike
(3:10 AM) nutter™: no its not bitchy
(3:10 AM) Adilah: i cant even click on his profile
(3:10 AM) nutter™: its the right thing to do
(3:10 AM) Adilah: cause ill be disgusted mannn its okay, ill be here if you need me babe i can only imagine how irritated you feel

----

(3:12 AM) Adilah: okay nvm hang in there anywya, you look good now(:! and we should meet up
(3:12 AM) nutter™: anyways this upcoming outing, you gg?
(3:12 AM) Adilah: i think i ahvent met you since we left sch no im not
(3:12 AM) nutter™: okay then im not gg either
(3:12 AM) Adilah: ): haha alright
(3:12 AM) nutter™: sorry man but no one there thinks like me.
(3:13 AM) Adilah: haha and thats a good thing

And just this few minutes, just those few lines, made my entire week. Feels good to know that amongst all those screwed up minds, there's someone who actually thinks like me. Angel of Mercy, how did you find me?