Sorry if the songs aren't hip & up to date. Hahaha it's cs I've been listening to Class95 alot. Hence all the old songs. They tend to carry more meaning anyways. Until I find what is it I can look forward to after my exams in Dec, I shall continue to sulk. Ciao ♥

Rash: Sunday Oct 26. loveee that picture babe ;) hehehe. btw ive got a new nicknae for u.
Rash: nickname*
# Hahaha i look spastic in that. Anyways! What is it?! :D

zafirah: nat, im so sorry i've been so busy lately tt i couldnt help you out with your photoshop assignment!
# Zafffff it's okay! I've already submitted the assignment. Haha no worries babe.

raily: cause alot of shahrukh? (:
# Muahaha I like ahhhh ;)

azzzzzzzzzzzzza: natzzzz hari tu msn apesal tergnatung eh? HMMMM. hi natzzz hehehe<3
# Hehehe sorry azza! Azza what happened to your blog? HMMMM.

I am certainly feeling out of sorts.

I have someone who's been toying with my emotions. (may you trip and fall)
I have someone (whom I happen to respect a llloootttttt) who thinks I am fabricating stories.
And, I am offcially unable to meet my sister in Bahrain in December, January AND February.

I don't know why things choose to take a toll on me, but seriously it can't just happen all at once. It's too exhausting seriously.

*lets out the deepest longest sigh*

sometimes, there's just things far greater than love..

no, let me rephrase that, many a time there are responsibilities far greater than love.

so in turn, one refuses to be taken wholly by love.

"It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain. And like a fool who will never see the truth, I keep thinking something's gonna change.
.....And there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch. There's a reason why people don't stay who they are. Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough."

Funny how a song so old is able to express for me, up to date.

I am a hostage to my own humanity.

Unlike you, I didn't have to go to school today. No, not because I chose to skip it, but because I am lucky like that. Okay la what crap. Anyways! I love holidays. I had a really good weekend, and a good Deepavali, and a day to rest well after Deepavali.

The 2 days break from technology (not really since my phone was still with me), I feel much much better. Seriously, try it some day. It works wonders! Camping with the family at ECP, spent the afternoons soaking up the Sun, watching the sunrise and the sun set, hearing the waves crash, and waking up to see trees branching out under the sun rays. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. AND, I got darker. :(

HOWEVER,
we must always pay a price for enjoying so much. And the price I have yet to pay, (note: yet) is that I chose to procrastinate and now the progress of my Public Relations assignment has been vastly delayed. BUT. That's not all. I am still choosing to procrastinate. I have a TVRP practical tomorrow, and I am gonna have to listen to Kevo's orders (since I'm in charge of the camera Rueban will hit the roof if he hears me saying this). So, I either read up on the techniques of camera movements, and ditch my PR once again. Or... do my PR, and pray Kevo doesn't decide to use mechanical words in the studio tomorrow.

On a lighter note, I just dug my ears. Like seriously dug. Like if you looked into my ear now, you'll be able to see my brain. So I won't have any trouble listening to what Kevo says through the headphones. I think Imma finish up my PR now, else Paramasivam might just get really peeved and then his blood pressure will rise and......Ah huh, you guessed it right. He'll release us for a tea break.

Wish me luck guys. ♥

You, my dear(s), is/are as fake as my smile up there.
You don't include me in your meet-up sessions, that I don't care honestly. What bothers me, though, is the fact that you turn it all around and then make it seem as though I am the uninterested one. As though I am the one who is too caught up in my own perfect little life. Go ahead & make it seem as though I am the ignorant one, who decides to purposefully pull out of get togethers simply to spite all of you. If that seriously pleases you, go right ahead.

Be my guest.

People people. You have got to know that as much as I love to voluntarily include myself into situations and occasions, I am not a freaking mind reader. I do not know what happens, who goes out with who, what killed what, who married which man. Yes, I am becoming more petty and I will know refuse to let my guard down. Why?

Because no one takes me seriously

Tag Replies

yana: thanks baby. mmmuah

# Sure thing love. ♥

naddy: now now, here's to the happy days ahead. mari kita tenyeh muka2 siape-siape yang nak bully kita ok.

# Hell yeah baby! That's the shit right there. Hahaha.

RBN: xoxo love... happy deepavali!!! i PROMISE a hang out day SOON! love ya!!!!

# Happy Deepavali Ruebs! Love ya too.

NHASZIRAH: I love nat, mwah.

# Love you too sweetz. Hugs

Valli: woah its been since a long time since i tagged ya and look at ur blog...LOL! hahaha...

Valli: ahh!! im not a loyal reader anymore sia!!

# Haha it happens. Besides you didn't miss out on much :D

I'm turning my back on you.

I am a trembling mess from hip to knee. There's a terrible heat, a looseness in my innards that makes me want to dig my fists between my thighs. It is a confusing feeling - somewhere between diarrhoea and utter despair.

Diarrhoea & Despair. A whirlpool of emotions, much? You bet.

I don't know where this is coming from. Others have it worse than me, yet they're able to get up, brush themselves off & move on. Why can't I do that? Why must I be someone who broods over it & go on analysing when I know for sure that it's over & done with? Why am I the person who absorbs the experiences of others and go, "Wow, I wish my life was that way." Why can't I say that I'm grateful for whatever that has happened & mean it?I suppose I just can't stop myself from giving myself feedback. I have got to stop thinking and building structures in my head. I have got to start speaking up, I have got to give myself a bloody break. I feel so alone.

However,
on a happier, lighter, brighter, and more joyful note -

TGIF.

"This is a good day to learn the lesson about letting go and just accepting how things end up."

Let's hope I'll be able to do that. Have a nice day, all. :)

There isn't much left for me to say. You are great the way you are. I shall always hope the best for you. Remain the happy person you've always been, dear. Love you ♥

Need I say more? Oh and don't tell me if you don't like him. If you don't watch his movies, you have no right to judge. Hmph.

Watch please. Been watching it over & over. ♥

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
We're the only one's that around,
We're the only one's that around this Babylon.

Amidst all the happy faces I turn around to see prior to my 17th Birthday celebrations, I honestly don't feel up to it anymore. I am not being a wet blanket. I just feel like isolating myself from everything and everyone. Is this some sort of a post 17th syndrome?

I hate feeling like this. There's just too many things to complete, too much to digest. And all I have is a few weeks left. I am sorry if Ive not been a sport lately. It's not because I am going through depression or anything like that. I just need some isolation. I need space.

The Bottom Line
If you are not in the mood to be social right now, don't force yourself to go out.

In Detail
If you are not in the mood to be social right now, then the worst thing you could do would be to force yourself to go out. You cannot convince yourself to have a good time if you're just not feeling it! When you pretend that you're having fun, you won't be able to fool anyone -- your acting skills are just not that great right now. But even though you're not into hanging out with others, you will still have some good energy. You'll just be able to enjoy it more alone.

Yana, I am so past apologising. I know even a sorry won't make it up to you now. Sorry I really had not much of a choice. :(

Since the celebrations haven't ended just yet, I shall just post an entry to those whom I want to thank. The next many names I am going to type out would be the people who remembered what day yesterday was. Just a wish, left me feeling tepid with its afterglow. I love you all.

Ibu, Daddy, Kakak, Nitin, Kak Seri, Kak Nor, Kak Nana, Aishah, Fathin, Haszirah, Farah, Haszriah, Ali, Yana, Ameera, Syuhadah, Hidayah, Amirah, Khairi, Zulaikha, Naddy, Nadya, Nisha, Jid, Sathis, Kevo, Sophs, Charmaine, Fadlina, Sufyan, Imran, Adilah, Farhana, Umirah, Wendy, Matthew, Valli, Farhan, Ansar, Diyana, Suffianah, Azza, Ezra, Tiffany, Wilson, (the other) Wendy, Irsyaad, Cikgu Azlinah, Roy, Nazura, Sabrina, Sharafat, Kelly, Isabella, Uncle Gusharan, Kathy, Wani, Tiffany, Aunty Leha.

I am afraid that is all I remember. Haha. Thank you so much guys. Some of you, I haven't met for years! Yet, you guys remember. I am seriously touched.

Thank you. Hugs and Kisses. ♥

PANIC.

You open your mouth. Open it so wide your jaws creak. You order your lungs to draw air. NOW, you need air, need it NOW. But your airways ignore you. They collapse, tighten, squeeze, and suddenly you're breathing through a drinking straw. Your mouth closes and your lips purse and all you can manage is a strangled croak. Your hands wraggle and shake. Somewhere a dam has cracked open and a flood of cold sweat spills, drenches your body. You want to scream. You would if you could. But you have to breathe to scream.

Panic.

I gotta show ya'll this. Seriously, I think if I had a face like this, I'd be able to get away with anything at all. Just 3 steps, that's all you'll ever need. EVER.

Ingenious isn't it?! This could be used in any scenario thinkable. Try coming up with a scenario in your head. You'd wish you were able to do that too. Not only that, so many guys will be after you. But to think of it, it gets irritating after awhile. Hahahaha it'll be a huge turn off if that's all you'd do. So wish for it, but don't wish too hard.

Omg this is so random. Bye la bye la.

Finally got to see her face today. :)

Gonna watch Mamma Mia again in awhile.

Enjoy your weekends all! ♥

Just look at them october babies. And that isn't even everyone. Am I broke, or broke? Anyways, Fathin. If you're reading this, stop trying to talk me out of it. My mind is set and I'll get it for you. Hehe. Kisses! ♥

Anyways, I have a mission to carry out. A mission to show some people that they are wrong. To prove to them that what they have been hearing or what they've been told, is wrong. Okay actually it's nothing serious. I just hate it when they say Punjabis, Gujeratis, Hindustanis (etc) are all Indians. Yes, I know we're Indians. But that's cs we originate from India. So the word Indian here, refers to their nationality. And please Kevo, Punjabi is NOT a religion. Neither is Hindustani. Hinduism and Sikhism, is. They are not the same. I must prove to all that we're not the same. No, there is nothing wrong being the same. It's just that some facts must be set out right. Before more people are made to believe the wrong thing.

Nonetheless, lesson was fun today. KL Lim has officially become my favourite lecturer. :)

Good day all!

1) I am too blessed, to be stressed.
2) Life may not be fair, but it's still good.

3) Don't compare your life with others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4) No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

5) What other people think about you is none of your business.

6) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

7) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up & show up.

8) Enjoy the ride.

Ps: Shah Rukh Khan is coming to Singapore. *hyperventilates and faints*

The kids at Jid's. I have no idea who they are. But I love kids, so what the heck.

This, is Jid's mother. A very bubbly lady & a great cook. :)

The first "person" which caught my attention when I got to Jids'. Hazard, I think?

Raaj, a.k.a Pharrell Williams. (or so he claims)

Jid/Khairul.

Rosminsyah. I've not seen him since I graduated from ChongFu. Don't ask me why his hand is there. Guys -.-"

Now this fella, Ansar. My first guy bestfriend. My first crush *giggles* My ex-neighbour. 10 years, and still counting. ;) Thanks for tagging along last night. Else I'd just have self-destruct. Kisses!

Something tells me this won't be the last entry which is Hari Raya related. I thought Hari Raya this year would be laid back and ultimately subtle, but I guess I thought wrong. Haha. Activities have been lining up, and my smiles have been getting wider. But my gut feeling tells me it is all coming to an abrupt halt soon. What sucks most - my gut feeling is never wrong.


I live for the moment, but I know I'm not supposed to. I so need to sit my butt down and start on the assignments. Modules this term are more complicating & mind boggling (so I tell myself). Either ways, whatever happened in the previous weeks has been long forgotten. What is Hari Raya without forgiving and forgetting, eh? :)


It's raining cats & frogs outside but I'm listening to Sunrise by Norah Jones. The contradiction. As much as I want to forego all of the fun, I can't. I miss out on so much everytime I intentionally isolate myself from everyone & everything. To the extent that I eat, breathe, and live school. And I began to believe that, that was as good as it was ever going to get. Don't you just hate it when even your imagination, your only door to fantasy, gives up on you? Pfft. I can't stand it.


Yesterday was spent waiting and travelling. Stinks, but it was more or less worth it. I was the only girl through out. Pressurizing. Lol. Movie in awhile with cousin. For now, I shall just live my life as it comes. Love you all. ♥

More jalan raya-ing last night. Got home only close to 3am. Haha raya sakan nampak. Anyways, I had loads of fun with them cousins. I am very contented with my life right now, Alhamdulillah. Of course there are ups and downs, but that's what it's all about. Hiccups along the way puts you back in your place. When something disappoints you, it doesn't mean you're a failure. When something goes wrong, it doesn't mean your whole life will crumble. All we have to do is take it one step at a time.

"To take one step at a time, there's no need to rush. It's like learning to fly, or falling in love. It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen"

Nonetheless, it's October 4th today. And it's none other than Siti Aishah Lubis's 17th. Happy birthday sweetheart. I've told you what I wanted to tell you. So I shan't post it up here. Haha. We'll meet after your exams. I'm always here for you, you should know that by now. I love you. ♥

Hari Raya Pertama yesterday. A very very long day actually. So long, I skipped school this morning. Which is very rare. Anyhoo, it was Sivam's lesson. I knew I'd just fall apart and doze off if I actually went. Spent the morning sleeping, spent the whole afternoon at SGH, and now I shall spend my whole night sleeping some more. Sucha pig I know.

Something happened on the eve of raya, and as much as I want to just forget it, I cannot. I don't bear any grudges, but I no longer know what I can do. It's always the same thing, same person, same misunderstanding. And it's getting very tiring. Where oh where are the nice people?

I still have not gotten used to the fact that I don't have to fast anymore. LOL. I even think twice when I bite my lips. Nice. Okay the pictures will do the story telling. So much happened yesterday I don't know where to start. These aren't the only pictures I have. But it depicts my family best. I look horrible in most but whatever.

Selamat Hari Raya! ♥

I always thought pins & needles was something I could wash off. Because I remember I used to rush to the toilet everytime I felt it last time. Since it's called "semut-semut" in malay. If translated directly, it means "ants-ants". Hahaha I know it doesn't make sense in the re-telling. But since it was ants, (i thought it was literal) water would kill them all, right? No? Man was I stupid. Then again I was a child. An adorable, irresistable one at that. HAHA GAG ALREADY! But really, cut me some slack. Nonetheless, I found out that it can't be washed off the hard way. It'd hurt even more. Okay that was sure as hell random.

It's 4:50am right now. It's the morning of Hari Raya. And I am not asleep. I shouldn't have slept on the couch with my feet hanging out. I should have curled up comfortably on my bed. The weather is too nice to miss! I still am contemplating whether or not I should try to sleep. I'd have to wake up in a while anyways for subuh. And then for solat raya. But I know I'd be sleepy tomorrow, and then I'd be cranky. Tsk.

Ps: say something already, you're beginning to make me worry. but now that we've come this far, i'll hold on.

"What if you're making me

All that I was meant to be

What if our love never went away

What if it's lost behind

Words we could never find

Baby before its too late

What about now?"