Sorry I don't have better pictures. Anyways, I am very very tired already so I shall make this short and simple. Helping mum in the kitchen today was definitely different than the previous years. There was no one I could irritate constantly, no one I could push the work to, no one to sing along with. Yes, Ibu was there. But it would have been 10x better if Kakak was around, too. Sigh how I miss her. Tomorrow will be twice as hard, I am sure. Hearing the takbir just now, made the 30days of fasting worth it. All the dehydration, and hunger pangs. I made it - once again! ;)

Since my school is stingy and only gives us a day of holiday, I might not be able to meet every one of you guys/girls. So Imma just do it virtually. Not the best way to extend my sincerest apology, but that's the best I can do for now.

To everyone & anyone at all:
I know I have offended many of you before and I am sorry. From the deepest, darkest pit in my heart, I am sorry. I usually talk through my hat, and think everyone is able to take everything as a joke - like me. I might have gone against my words, I might have caused you trouble, I might have hurt you emotionally/physically be it intentionally/unintentionally, please forgive me. I love you all. ♥

Enjoy your day tomorrow. Kisses.

To Nincompoop #1:

Please do not speak about me as though you know me. I feel that it's more so an insult to the wonderful woman above who truly, actually, knows me best. No matter how much of an idiot I act to be, no matter how true it is (that I'm an idiot), she does not say it to me. Because she knows it is impossible for me to be someone I am not. And if this is how I am, this is how I am. I will admit that I am fairly offended by your insinuation. It is very pointless. And extremely cowardly of you, to actually just assume. If you already are the big egotistical pig that you are, then just say it to my face. If you want so much to feed that ego of yours, bring it on. I am waiting. Anyhoo, I love you Ibu. Even if you wake me up at unearthly hours, simply to remind me to wash the dishes. Or simply because you need me to unzip your dress for you. Without you, I wouldn't have been this well-fed, and without you, I'd be nothing. ♥

As you can see, I didn't have a good day. Because as days pass, everyone just gets more unbelievably judgemental and hypocritical. Anyhoo, that aside. Hari Raya is exactly 1 day away. I think I am beginning to feel the vibe. Hahaha finally eh? Oh and someone (a guy) actually called me fat today. No kidding, Imma stop eating from now. A proper entry on the preparations for raya tomorrow or something. The sound of dad snoring is making me want to sleep too. Goodnight twits. Muah.

edit/:
I removed the whole paragraph for Nincompoop #2, because I think it was too mean. Hahaha. Plus, I know for sure the person will read it and actually know it's for him/her. It's okay, I shan't stoop down to his/her level and be someone who gives others a hard time. You know for sure it's your fault, so I shall just let your guilt do the job. :)

Anyways, my hands smell of onion now. And my fingers are yellow thanks to the kunyit I had to peel. Mati lah macam giniiii. Ali was warded last night and I am pretty much in a dilemma. It's the eve of hari raya, I can't possibly leave mum in the kitchen alone. We work best as a pair. But I am helping her with a heavy heart too. Cs as a friend I should be there with him. Oh my sweet sweet irony. It's tragic how it's hari raya tomorrow but he has to be at some ward surrounded by sick strangers. I can only do so much as a friend, praying would be best. Takecare All.

Happy Springcleaning!

I seriously feel that my confidence is fading away. Layer by layer. And I have got to salvage the situation before it all sinks in and kills me. Thus, I hope that with the help of Han, I will be able to lose weight. Meeting him after raya for a full demonstration of what my daily work out plan would be like. I am excited, but worried too. Worried I'd go against my word. Hmm.

It's no longer a joke man, really. I think I've put on so much weight. So much so I find it really difficult to wear something and be happy with it every morning. And I think as a 17 year old girl, I shouldn't need to go through that. Because I am not even halfway through life. Unless of course I die tomorrow, God forbids. Whatever it is, I must lose weight. Even if I lose a few of my limbs in the process. Hahaha shattap.

One more issue I've yet to deal with. I want so badly to write good english. My english is getting from bad to worse. I used to be able to construct a perfect sentence without having to think so hard. But now, I'd have to go through it a few times in my head just to make sure it's not gramatically unsound. I realise I've become so much of a lazy person. I can't be bothered with myself, which is beyond sad. Because if I don't bother, who else will? I brood over the most trivial issues, worry my head off for absolutely nothing. Sometimes I think having an overly mature manner of thinking is a burden. Cs I tend to worry much more than I should as the youngest. Roll your eyes as much as you want while reading what's above, just bear in mind that you have no right to judge. :)

I think the trip to Bahrain will go through some problems here and there. Because of the graduation project. And I'd hate to procastinate and push the trip to another date cs I wouldn't want to disappoint the sister. Zomg, just thinking of how it'd be if it was cancelled, is making me want to self-destruct. I hope i'll feel better soon. Because all this is making me more subtle and less jovial. Which I hate. I am supposed to make people smile, I am supposed to keep myself smiling. I wouldn't want to worry about issues which aren't anywhere close to important.

"Ya Allah, berikanlah aku ketenangan. Bersihkanlah hatiku yang berlumur dosa ini. Masukkanlah ku daripada pintu kebenaran, keluarkanlah ku daripada pintu kebenaran juga. Maka, anugerahkanlah kepadaku seorang penolong. Amin."

Ps: seeing you at the mosque this morning made me feel an emotion i haven't felt in a long time. just those few mili seconds, and i have with me now a whole bag of assurance. i now know that what you say is true, and you know what i say is true too.

I know I know. Im sucha loser. Hahaha horrible layout, unappealing background, and lack of updates. Ditch me if you want. Life has been mediocre. Getting very mundane, but whatever. 2 more nights of qiam and I'll be done. A whole new year doing new things that might get me into new types of situation. Right what the heck am I talking about. My eyes sting cs I have not slept for a total of 1.5days now. Superhuman or whatttttttttttt.

It's sister's birthday today. I actually forgot. HAH. Anyhoo, I shall just try to pretend what happened, didn't actually happen. So to you banana, I love you & happy birthday. ♥

I think I'm getting better at taking pictures. Hahahaha. This post is redundant beyond redundant. Ciao twits.

Days in school have been fairly alright. Nothing very fun or nothing very tragic has happened just yet. Although I did come very close to a tragedy. Anyhoo, it's the final 6 days of Ramadhan. And to all Muslims, please. You only have 6 more days to make the best of this month. If you have not been spending your time beribadah kepada Allah, these 6 days should be able to save your butt. At least try.

Read this: http://irmu.blogwae.com/2006/09/21/malam-seribu-bulan/

You'll know what to do then. Till the weekends or something, takecare all.

An old picture. That's called the mega cheeks + crooked teeth combo. Okay anyways. First day of school, didn't go as well as expected. Prolly because I was too excited the day before. Nonetheless, the classroom was too cold, my fingers couldn't function. Maybe I shall get a winter coat or something. The air conditioners in MDIS are seriously very unpredictable. Irritating.

By the looks of what KL Lim laid out for us earlier today, I have a feeling we're all gna be on a crazy crazy ride. It's only the first day, and there was my brain telling me to take a break. Omg, the horror the horror. Another module tomorrow. Suddenly, I cannot wait for Hari Raya. And bestfriend's 17th. Although I still am clueless on how to go about celebrating it.

Nonetheless, I think you should cut me some slack. I have not done anything wrong, so I definitely do not deserve the cold shoulder. Going against my word under an unforeseen circumstance which sprung up is definietly beyond my own control. What dyou expect me to do? Get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Sorry. I usually know when I'm wrong, and I am nowhere near that this time. It is not my fault you simply choose to be a brat about everything that goes wrong. Pfft, 2 words for you. Grow up.

Now now, none of you twits who read that is allowed to assume and jump the gun. I don't think the person the above was meant for will read this anyways. Sorry, I think it is because I had a bad day. Ciao bananas.

Yesyes, I look spastic. Nonetheless guess what's happening tomorrow?
SCHOOL IS STARTING.
Omg -.-" I cannot believe the only form of holiday I get to taste after wringing my brain dry for 2 weeks, is the weekends. Deprived much? But but! I cannot deny that I actually am kinda excited for the new term. It's the final term you know? How many of you twits out there are able to declare that it's gna be YOUR final term soon? Hmm? *insert evil laugh here* ;)

So the new modules will be as follows:-
JNB: Journalism & News Broadcasting
PRSEP: Public Relations: Strategy & Effective Practice
TVRP: Television & Radio Production
ASEP: Advertising: Strategy & Effective Practice

This will be term where I'll get to step into the studio. This will be the term where I will have to choose my group members very carefully. VERY carefully. This will be the term where I will have to laugh and climb less in class. This will be the term where I will have to grow up.
:(

Oh one last thing. I shall extend my apology to everyone before I disappoint anyone else. I know I have been turning down offers for a night out or a shopping spree or for a random meeting. It's just that it is the final 10 days of Ramadhan, and we all know what occurs during this period of time: malam Lailatul Qadr. I wouldn't want to miss this night for anything in the world. So I hope you guys/girls won't take it to heart when I keep saying no. Hehe. Meet me during Raya okay? I love you babies.

Till soon.

Yesterday's iftar went smoothly. I shall just let the pictures explain themselves. Click to enlarge. Sorry for the low quality of the pictures. See, this is why I need a D80. ;)

Gave Dad a surprise, as it was his 50th yesterday. He kept saying, "You all must stop pampering me like this. I'm an old man already." Haha. That's my dad for you. Thinks he doesn't deserve anything at all. Love you Dy.

Right after dad cut his cake, we brought out another cake for sis-in-law. Her birthday will be in 8 days time. So we decided to just bring the celebration forward. Had 2 ice cream cakes in 1 night. How very sinful.

And ^that^ made so much sense, I think the only reason you're breathing down my neck and drowning me with sweet nothings (which I happen to be oblivious to) simply because you think I'm an easy catch. My dear boy, sorry to burst your bubble, but I am harder to break than a hot bootylicious, D-cupped mamasita. Nuff' said.

I love everybody! Yay. ♥

Taken at Changi.

Ps: thank you for the picture ♥

Dearest Dad,

It is your birthday today and I've yet to wish you. I am sure you're wondering why, and I hope the surprise later pays off. I have so much to say to you, I do not know where to start. I might not be the closest to you amongst your 3 children, but I love you all the same. I am beyond grateful because you are by far the best father I have known to exist.

I want so much to say thank you. But then I'd just have to spend a whole day saying it because no amount of gratitude could equal up to what you have done for us all. Start taking care of yourself dad, you aren't superman you know.

Love,
Natasha.

The crazy things we do in class. -.-" I will surely miss climbing on the chair at the back of the lecture theatre just for fun. Okay what am I talking about. School's not ending anytime soon. Shitzzzzzzzzz. 2 more papers to go. Omg I can't wait I can't wait. And then I have a feeling I'll go crazyyyyyy okay crazy beyond crazy. Plans lining up, already! Hari Raya, birthdays, final term, seafood dinners, ahhhhhh ahhhhh *pulls hair*

Oh anddddddddd I is so happy I actually am beginning to feel the pinch when I spend my money it's just so hard to part with my cash nowwwwwwwwww this calls for a celebration. Hahahaha the irony. The reason why I'm feeling oh so very hyped up now is because I just ended a call with my sisterrrrr. And I cannnnnnot wait for December omg come quick pleaseeeee pretty pretty please. Dubai here I comeeeeeee. Bahrain here I comeeeeeeeee too! I hope nothing goes wrong. I hope school doesn't give me any problemssssxszsxz. I'll still go if anything crops up anyways. I've waited 1 whole year for thisssssssssss okayyy. Cut me some slack.

If something's meant to be yours, it'll be yours. You won't have to brave rain, you won't have to brave fire. You won't have to indulge in prolonged sacrifices. You won't have to earn millions just to please. You won't have to put up a front. You won't have to keep telling yourself it's okay just because it's not. Sometimes, I give people the wrong perception of myself. And that is just because I simply choose to do so. If only by acting as a chauvinistic pig will make you realise, I will continue behaving this way. It takes a lot to make me believe, it takes alot to make me trust. If by being obnoxious, I can prevent a heartbreak, i will be the most obnoxious person you've ever met. If being rude helps, I will continue being rude. If ignorance is bliss, I'll stand by that. I usually love everyone I befriend. But sometimes, it's best to change that. Because no one deserves to get hurt.

Things happen as and when they want to. And us, being the people that we are, totally hopeless, are not able to change the course of it. My greatest fear is to hurt someone. Someone who I can't point to and claim as guilty. Someone who I don't even know well enough. I guess it does not pay to be nice sometimes, because it gets us into trouble in return. Now, no assumptions should be made prior to whatever I just said above. It's my blog, a place where I talk about anything and everything I choose to talk about. And if I feel that you have the right to know, I'd tell you - personally.

Everything has been better than average, and I am grateful for that. Definitely. Despite the late nights and mugging sessions, all will pay off. InsyaAllah. Hari Raya songs are already being played on the radio, and I don't really like the idea. Simple - because this year, 2 people who are very close to my heart won't be around. As much as I'd like to think of the best, I can't. Because I'm afraid my heart's been the one who's doing all the thinking. Good or bad.

This weekend, I must say, I've learned more than which I did during the previous weekends:
I've learnt that all good things do come to an end.

I've learnt what infatuation/love/anxiety can do to someone.

I've learnt that eating ice cream and dates don't keep you full.

I've learnt that I cannot study with music playing.

I've learnt that it pays to be patient.

Well well well, what do you know. I think I'm hooked. ;)

(10:52 PM) " fArAh " [] : get well soon darling! jaga diri baik baik! make sure when i see you, you're in the pink of health.mwah!

Might seem mediocre to most, but it got me smiling for a long while. Not because I am lacking love, but because it feels good to know someone cares. Even if you know you haven't been in the closest/warmest of terms for the longest time. Thanks sweetheart. And yes, kita jalan raya together. ♥

2 papers down, 2 more to go. I am spending a hell load of time online, and idling. What in the world is wrong with me? -.-" I can't even sit my butt down to study, without telling my alter ego I'd reward myself if I eventually managed to. I feel so sick right now, I think I give the word "sick" a whole new meaning. And it's not sick as in I'll-go-to-the-doctor-now sick, but, my-brain-can-no-longer-take-this kinda sick. My eyes are itchy, my back is aching, my nose is watery, my head feels like it's being run over by a steam roller over and over, and I have the cheek to think I'd make it to the degree level. Nicely done Natasha, nicely done.

Things happen when we least expect them to. And that's exactly what my recent weeks have been filled with. I would love to elaborate. But not everyone would like that. Besides, I still do not know who I'm talking to. I always make it seem as though there IS an audience. Wait, is there? Gah. Nonetheless, being walked home by two of the silliest, wackiest, (dope-st?), guys did make my day. Thank you.

As much as I don't want to elaborate. I am loving the attention. 5 against 1. Keep it coming boys. Keep. It. Coming. ;)

Apart from the exams, and the flu. I am loving everything.

That was instantly added on to my DADDY-I-WANT-THIS-PLEASE list ;)

This has been my desktop wallpaper for a long while now. However, it only made sense a few minutes ago when my dad walked into the room. I was studying so that was all he saw when he looked at my lappy. He began talking about it:

Dad: Ahh, D40.. I want the D80.
Me: Really? Is it better?
Dad: Yup..
Me: I want D40. (this is called hinting)
Dad: It's very expensive. Uncle Mustaffa & I wanted to share one.
Me: Share?! How's that possible.
Dad: Ya, that's why we cancelled the idea.
Me: I heard this one's really good. And it's being sold at a cheaper price at COURTS. Hari Raya Promotion I think. (this, boys & girls, is called heavy hinting)
Dad: Is it? Hmm.

The funny thing was that, I could see him getting closer and closer to the door when I my voice became increasingly shrieky which could only mean I was very excited. I bet he couldn't wait to leave the room. Because he did right after my last sentence. HAHAHA. I am sucha brat. What? I am the only child left he needs to feed. The others are fine on their own. Another funny conversation I had with Ibu before buke puasa just now.

Ibu: *shouts from kitchen* B what you want to eat?
Me: *walks to kitchen* Got what food? (yes I speak like that got a problem?)
Ibu: *says all there is to eat & waits for my answer*
Me: *opens fridge, and then opens the freezer*
Ibu: Cepat lah!
Me: Nak makan ice-cream.
Ibu: *stares me down*
Me: Nak makan ice-cream dengan kurma. Betul.
Ibu: Merepek eh kau. I give you 1 minute to decide.
Me: No need, i tell you now. I want to eat ice-cream and nasi.
Ibu: Go away lah.

Hahahahaha. I love you Ibu & Daddy. ♥

"Beggars live off empathy. They can be experts in putting themselves in situations to increase empathy and use children/animals to increase empathy from bystanders."

I cannot believe that was written in the SBS textbook. As much as it may be true, how can one be so ignorant and put that in. I find it extremely mean. Beggars beg. It is not a profession. Calling them "experts" does not make the sentence seem any nicer either. Gah.

It might just be because I am exhausted from mugging, or it's just because the sentence up there came from a chauvinistic pig who has something against beggars. Don't let me find out who put that in. Or else.. *cracks knuckles*

Anyways, I want my hair to grow. Otherwise my hari raya wouldn't be that happy of an occasion. I'm being a b*tch I know. Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr exams stinks. I'm removing the tagboard by the way. No one tags what. It pains me to see it very empty with a few sentences here and there. Hmph. Bye twits.

"And you mean to me, what I mean to you. And together baby there is nothin we won't do. Cuz if I got you, I don't need money, I don't need cars. Girl you're my all. And oh I'm into you. And girl no one else would do. Cuz with every kiss and every hug you make me fall in love"

Ps: thank you ♥



"And I'd give up forever to touch you. 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. And I don't want to go home right now. And all I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it's over. I just don't want to miss you tonight"

After tonight, those things in the background shall be arranged in a more practical (and neater of course) manner. I totally burned my Sunday. I only managed to sit myself down and mug for say, 5 hours? Which obviously is not enough since the exams starts on Tuesday.

I is dead meat.

And now, instead of studying, I am watching Season 4 and Season 5 of Project Runway. Eversince I watched the show on Discovery Travel and Adventure, I can't stop. I love Christian Siriano.

"Ew. Don't get bitchy."

Okay this entry is massively redundant. At the rate I'm wasting time, Imma end up wasting my dad's money ): Oh dear oh dear, what am I to do with myself.

"Tempted to touch, tempted to touch.
Ah, little woman, man I needwant you so much."

What about now?

Dearest, loveliest; Kakak,

I still remember how Ibu will keep us apart whenever we solat. Because she knows we'll start talking, and laughing. I still remember how you'll sneeze out of the blue in the midst of our solat and I'll start giggling like crazy, and we'll just burst into guffaws of laughter. I still remember how we'll have a game of scissors paper & stone just to decide who'll wash the dishes after dinner. I still remember how we'll sneak out of the house at 1/2am just to buy a miserable cup of ice lemon tea and 711. I still remember how we'll want to play badminton so badly but end up napping instead. I still remember how you'll never fail to come into my room and mess up my bed just to irritate the hell out of me. I am glad you finally opened up to me. As much as I am not there for you physically, you will never and have never left my mind. It took 5months or so for you to actually break down and let everything out. I've always known how difficult it is for you. But being the most stubborn person in the family, (and never failing to live up to your title) you chose to suppress your emotions. I may be the busybody amongst the 3, but I guess that's why I'm so useful too. I love you okay, and this you must never forget. Even if you get married and have 16 children and move to some village in ulu India. Hahaha I can't wait to see you in Dec. ♥ *hugs*

Break fast at aunt's today.

ps: I know I'm ready. I just don't know why I don't have the guts to commit.

Hiatus till September 17th? Who am I kidding?

"Ye lah, budak budak melayu sekarang mane tau duduk rumah. Merayap je"

My mum said that just before I left home 3hours ago. (i'm at the library now thats why) I was rushing to leave, so she asked me why. And I told her that it's because Civic centre is no longer like a library, but a school. Everyone and anyone comes here. So she said the sentence above. And true enough, (or sadly/ironically enough you change it to your liking) the library was and still is filled with budak-melayu-duduk-kat-corner-dengan-boypren/girlpren, telling or whispering to each other telling one another they're hungry. I mean seriously, I hate to be stereotypical cos Tricia Ang talks about it every lesson, but it's hard not to be with facts like these smacking you in your face every now and then. Now, don't get it wrong. I know very well that I am not so much of an angel myself, but that's just it you see. You know no one's perfect, so why exploit the situation and further prove to the world that that saying is true. Don't you at least want to get the whiff of the sweet sweet smelling perfection? Hm?

One more thing. I just realised how lucky I am because my mother nags. Seriously, I used to hate it, but I now know how it actually matters. People, if your mothers are no longer nagging at you, you better do something about it. See when a mother nags, she speaks her heart out. Or maybe shrieks, I don't know. If you listen closely when your mother nags, all that she's saying is a simple point. Driven by frustration and utmost anger, the point is being stretched. However when you think about what she's said after it all ends, it makes sense. It just does. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, my mother is always right. And when I say, "Ibu pandai eh" She'll just say, "Ibu dah banyak makan garam, Ibu tak pandai". And there you go, another motherly quality which is undeniably magnificent - modesty.

I went for terawih yesterday, and as always, I'd be reluctant to stay for the syarahan, but with her magical powers, my mum will make me. And I am glad I did stay. Because I learnt about 3 things God will never forgive. Even if you were to fast and pray for the rest of your lives.

1) Husband and wives who simply choose to ignore one another.
2) Children who are rude (derhaka) to their parents.
3) Not acknowledging your neighbours.

Yeah, even if your neighbour is insane in the membrane and comes over to your house every hour. You're gna have to suck it in and learn to like it. Anyways, I am not trying to be a pushover here, but really. It's scary when you think about it. Such simple everyday mistakes can be something permanent. No one, nothing, not even Panadol will save you. And yes, when your mum nags like crazy. When your mum says something which is a 1,000,000% untrue, just say, "yes yes i was wrong you are right" (in a tone that's sarcastic of course). DO NOT FUEL THE ARGUMENT. Because admitting will stop the whole thing. I've had my fair share of nagging sessions because apparently my tak guna siblings left me alone in the house. And to think of it, I am honoured to be the one my mum chooses to nag at constantly because then only I will know what goes on in that head of hers. And mothers definitely don't think with their minds, they use their hearts.

I don't know what's driven me to say so much, but I just think I have to. Because what I see/hear happening around me, with the Malay society, with the saying that goes "not all malays are Muslims" gets to me in one way or another. You can't deny it. You know you're affected. Just don't be infected. I love all of my friends out there, but if I think I'm gna hafta to eliminate you due to your lack of principles. I will. But for now, I still love all of you. Hahaha. Okay, my break is over. Selamat berbuka later! Muah. ♥

1) People actually celebrate Nat day. How cool is that? Yes I am able to find that amusing. Must be the mugging.

2) I am irritated. Because I dislike how people who choose to skip class, always end up coming to people like me, (who obviously makes the better choice to attend class) demanding that I give them my notes. Not like it's bad enough you don't attend class, you demand it from me. How dumb can one get? You're asking for a favour. So simple common sense tells you that you're gonna have to suck up to me to get it. I do not appreciate you coming to me, telling (not asking) me you need notes. And that you'd prefer it if I give you exam tips as well. I am beyond irritated. Grrrrr.

3) I am yearning for Teh Tarik. I want the one from Tanjong Pagar Railway Station. Buy me a packet someone!

4) I want so much to own a camera. I'm dreaming about it. :(

5) I am going on a hiatus. Till the 17th of September. Not like you care. Ciao all.

I love the feeling of having to wake up at 5 everyday.
I love the feeling of being the only child at home to solat subuh with my parents.
I love getting kissed on the forehead after solat subuh.
I love not being able to go back to sleep after that.
I love not feeling as restless as before because it's just me against myself now.

I love rushing after iftar for tarawih.

I love getting the honour of choosing which mosque to go to.
I love being able to mug and mug without feeling disturbed.
I love having exams during the fasting month.