(This is my 101st post on wordsfallshort.bs.com. Say yay.)
I know how boring this skin is beginning to look, but I can't be bothered to change it. Not now at least. Anyways, my weekends were totally burned by the assignments. I have been sleeping only at 430am (and above) lately. Thank God the afternoon classes will be going on for quite some time. In fact, due to the great timing, I found out that I'm able to slot in loads more activities in 1 day. How very exciting. Soon, hopefully, I will no longer be bumming around on weekends, not making money. *kening naik naik*

I still feel like eating nestum prawns. Why don't they sell it at the bazaar? Oh and that reminds me. Charlie baby, when are we going to JB to have seafood for dinner, huh? :)

I am suddenly missing my sister. It's been a few months since she left and I seriously miss having her around. I have no one to meet after school to go home with. I have no one who calls & texts me during lessons saying, "Tit tit. what you think Ibu masak ah? I am so hungry. Razlan cannot stop giving me work." Yes she calls me tit tit or whatever word comes that to her brain at that point of time. Now that my life is finally gaining momentum, I have no one to calm me down. Actually, I do pity her. Because she has no one over there. She has no one who speaks the same silly language that she does. She has no one who will bite off the brown parts of her pocky sticks for her. She has no one who will keep taking pictures with her. But also, I am angry. Angry because she left me. ): She left me all over again. Dyou know how emotionally and mentally exhausting it is? Having to adjust to so much in so little time.

I miss Nurul Nadia Bte Rudy Shahril.

I miss Siti Aishah Lubis. (Totally mia for now.)

I miss both my otherhalves. ♥

I want nestum prawns!

Friendster Horoscope for June 27, 2008

The new relationship in your life should not be just romance-related. If you feel like you're missing a copilot on your journey through life, you are wrong. You do not need another person to complete you. You only need to truly love the person you are. And if you are in a relationship right now, remember not to lose yourself in it. Your identity is important! After all, it is why this person cares about you so much -- so cherish yourself by maintaining your identity.

o.o

That is so not what I wanted to read. But ohwells, I still love Shah Rukh Khan. And Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girls and this one guy whose name I've totally digested into my system. Digested so well that it's no longer at the tip of my tongue. If you know his name, tell me ok! Anyways, I have had a very good week I must say. Hectic, but fun. There wasn't a day where I dreaded having to go to school. Except for when I knew I had to lug back a heavy bag home. Loads of assignments to complete. I am excited though. Lecturers are lots of fun! Well maybe except for one. But eh, Old is Gold ok!

Ps:
Some people really gets on my nerves. Buster, you're totally pushing the wrong buttons and sadly (thankfully rather) I'm not the only one who is bloody agitated now. Cut the act already. We're not stupid okay. Even if my prediction is false, I will not feel even a tinge of guilt because you deserve to taste your own medicine. I will fight fire with fire, I will no longer give in. I am sick & tired of being the "good guy" and allowing myself to be stepped all over. Actually I have so much more to say but everytime I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. Grow up man, sumpah.

Check out the second one. *melts*

This was a conversation I had with mum a few days back. But, it crossed my mind when I was in school earlier today and it made me laugh for about 15 seconds - without pausing.

Me: Ibu, I wna go 7 11 sekejap.
Ibu: *looks at clock which showed 1155pm* Huh?! Buat apa! No cannot, nanti kena rogol.
Me: Hahahahaha. Orang tengok tasha pun tak heran lah.
Ibu: No no, cannot. Jangan main-main eh. Jadi minah rep baru tau.
Me: Ah? Why minah rep?
Ibu: Because minah rep. Rep = rape.
Me: *laughs like there's no tomorrow*

I have a had a good Monday & Tuesday. No complaints so far. No complaints for the whole week, hopefully. I need 2 things desperately. For myself to speak/write flawlessly and for my confidence level to shoot up by a gazillion heights. Okay heights? HAHA. See how desperate I am. Library, here I come. :)

It is Monday. Monday! It's been awhile since Mondays meant having to go to school. Dreadful, but heartwarming all at the same time. I am tired of allowing my fatty acids to build up while spending hours in front of the computer/tv. I am going to make sure that I love everything about going back to school. The lecturers, the same wacky classmates, the expensive cutlet rice, the very cheap green tea/teh peng. Most of our classes will be in the afternoon, like today. It's 11:50am but I'm still at home. HAH. So how bad can it get, right? I want to get a job, because I realised that how much I tell myself money isn't everything, I can't help but think it is everything. Have a good day babies. Cheerios!

Sweep up the streamers, put away the cake. I am back back back. Thank God for I made it safe to and fro, in one piece - nothing more, nothing less.

Actually, I have not cleared my mind up enough to update. But because everyone is asking me about how it was and how much of a good time I had within the last 2 weeks, I figured it was time to share. Also, seeing how supportive & encouraging everyone has been, I think everyone deserves to know. Haha. My writing skills have completely disappeared. So the next many many lines/paragraphs might not be in the best, flowery English you read in other blogs. I am still lost. This post is gna be very lengthy, but I'll try to make it very productive. I promise. Here goes:

The flight to Mecca was said to be 11hours or so. Because the plane had to transit at Abu Dhabi for 2hours. Sitting in the plane on my way to Jeddah was pretty much nerve wrecking. Firstly because I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Secondly, because I felt as though I was the most unexperienced and that I totally did not deserve to be there. The chance I was given to visit the most respectful place ever is undoubtedly out of the world? I don't know. Describing is kinda difficult. Haha. Anyways! The anxiety built up as we got nearer. However little did I know that I still had to wait for another whooping 3hours till we actually reach Mecca. After a long long tiresome journey, we arrived at Mecca safely. The atmosphere was different. The temperature was different. The traffic was different. The highways were different. The people were different. The accents were different. The purpose, was different. We did three Umrah(s) in total. I won't deny that it felt like bootcamp at first. Because I only have 2-3hours of sleep each night. We'd reach the hotel at 11pm, have dinner (or not), catch some shut-eye and wake up at 2.30am. Subuh was say, 3+am? Hahaha. Yes, it was that early. After subuh, we'd stay in the mosque for awhile, to recite the Quran or do the tawaf sunat. And then we'd leave for breakfast (sadly the hotel we stayed in didn't provide food for us, so we had to eat at another hotel) and then prepare for zuhur. It was never ending, really. However, time flew by over there. And, I felt really carefree. I didn't think about school, I didn't think about whether I've received any text messages/calls, I didn't think about how hungry/thirsty I was. My mind was locked on 1 mission. A mission to wash those sins. Hehe. We spent 6days in Mecca. Left for Madinah and that was better. More calm, and relaxed. That was when the Tawaf Kedai started. Hahaha. The stuff there are very very cheap. Imagine bargaining at the top of your voice in Metro. That was normal in Saudi. I might not mention many things. Nonetheless, I did visit many places. It was all planned for us. I don't wna go into detail because then you guys wouldn't be curious and won't wna visit the place soon.

Trust me. To whoever who said that it's tough, it's not. All you have got to do is to have a clean heart, have deep faith and jangan sembarang cakap. Have comments? Keep it to yourself. Whatever you face over there, there's always a reason behind it. And, remember that God only gave it to you because you deserve it. I fell terribly sick at Mecca for a straight 4days. I thought I was gna die, really. But, I told myself that I must have deserved this for the person I've been. The snob I must have acted as to so many people. This mouth of mine which was always ready to condemn and shoot off nasty words. And this heart of mine which wasn't always pure. I was ashamed. And honestly, I was scared. I was tremendously afraid. Although a part of me was happy because I managed to see the Ka'bah but another part of me was trembling. Trembling because I had nothing to show to God when He was going to ask me. Throughout the trip, I was strong - emotionally. But on that day, when I was sick. I cried like never before. I cried as I talked to God. I told Him how scared I was. I told Him how sorry I was. And I told Him how ungrateful & how fully flawed I am. And Alhamdulillah, I'm back. I came back.

Having spent so many days over there. I lost 2kg. But I gained experience, knowledge and I grew spiritually. I feel very lucky because I was invited to see the Ka'bah. I was given the golden opportunity. I am still very amused because no matter what race or what languages we all spoke there, we all were doing the same thing. We might not have understood each other at all, but we understood one another's purpose for being there. And that, I'm proud of. Because of such harmony & such faith we all have planted within us - we believe in the same religion. My eyes were teary when I saw the number of people who would stop whatever they were doing initially, and do their prayers. The minute they hear the azan. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. Not money, not beauty. We all were like 1 big family. I feel like going again. Yes, already. Insya Allah, for the second time, in 2 years :)

This post is very very long aye. I shall end here. To those who were supportive, comforting and there for me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Without anyone pushing me to my comfort zone & to being my best, I am sure I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I love all of you guys. It is good to be back. ♥

Ps: Click the link below for pictures babies! But start from the 3rd page! MUST OKAY MUST

Pictures ♥

"i render myself powerless"

I am only 48hours away from the day I have waited years/months for. For those who are reading this and have no idea about what's happening, I am flying off on the 4th of June (Wednesday) to Mecca. To fulfil my Umrah. Hence, before I leave I must take this opportunity, eventhough only virtually, to seek amnesty & pardon. What I am about to type out is certainly from the deepest possible depression in my heart. Here goes:

I am someone who is fully flawed. Despite the fact that I try to overcome my flaws, I am afterall human. I am also someone who speaks my mind. Unfortunately, sometimes, I do not think about what will happen or who I'll hurt when I actually do. I have learnt that honesty is NOT always the best policy. Therefore, to everyone who I've hurt, scarred, upset - I am terribly sorry. I am sorry for the things I have said, done, not said & not done. Also, if I owe any one of you readers money, please get back to me. I want to be as unsoiled spiritually as possible before I leave. If you think I owe you an apology (personally) approach me. I will miss all of you bananas/monsters/babies. Pray that I go and come back safe. Thank you. ♥

ps: i will show you mak. i will prove to you that it is true what you said - that I am lucky because I am given the opportunity to go for Umrah. i miss you already.