The comp's down & has been sent for repair. Am using dad's powerbook G4 instead. Not too user-friendly /:
Ps: This post is all about my emotions so skip it if you want. Nothing interesting, period.

It's unfair how they keep expecting so much from me. It's unfair how they plant every wish of theirs in me & expect it to bloom in just a measly few days. It's unfair how they tell me to do things & then contradict their choices. It's unfair how I'm the youngest and yet am needed to be the most matured. It's unfair how I'm 16 and told to think about everyone else except myself. It's unfair how I don't even get to be selfish and think about myself alone. It's unfair how all I'm doing is what they want me to, but they make it sounds like I'm the one who CHOSE to do it. What's worse is that they're the ones I need most yet they're the ones who keep running me down. It's funny how they don't actually know me inside out. Yes, I might be being a total baby about this. Well, I miss being a baby. I miss being the youngest. How am I to accomplish every single thing my other siblings failed to accomplish? How am I to compensate them the "losses" when I can't even make my own decisions? Tsk. I feel seriously miserable.

It's as though I've done something so so so so wrong to not deserve your attention. It's like, I'm a stranger all of a sudden. I rrrrrrrreally don't need the cold shoulder treatment anymore. If you think I really deserve it, then talk to me. Tell me why. At least I'll actually have a reason to repent. Grrrrrr. I was very thrilled upon knowing that I will be going for MassComm. But now, I'm just unsure. I don't know whether I should be excited or scared. Afraid that you'll send some to kill me when I don't do well. I'm sorry if I've let you down, I'm sorry if I wasn't the smartest/best/most hardworking/most polite daughter ever, but I'll always try. Yes, always. Just, please. Stop running me down like this. I don't think I have any courage/confidence in me left to build myself back up after you're done with all the negativity.

Sometimes I think, I AM a failure ):):):

Well well well, another day I have been waiting for. Not anxiously though. I've finally completed the english course at BritishC. Today was so called the Graduation Ceremony. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Cracks me up just think about the graduation. I don't know which to laugh at more. The Graduation, or the Ceremony. It was appaling! God. Like, really. They could've done far better with the organising. I swear, that Zu & Me would have been able to pull it off & make everyone happy. LOL. Nonetheless, pictures are limited. I have 2 with me. But I don't feel like uploading them. Lazy -.-"

Anyways, rotting at home the rest of the afternoon is just.. torture? I have not been so bloody free & restless ever. I had nothing on my mind, nothing to look forward to, no cartoons were worth my time, I don't know where The Sims 2 CD is, the computer was giving trouble & no one was home.

Bored bored bored!

Tag Replies:
Haszirah! ^^: Hi Nat! Why devastated? If I were you, I'll be proud of myself. Cs its like, At least I get more options then the others kinda thing yknow. So dont worry. Wtvr it is, Youre always my #1 smartest baby.
Nat - Hahahahaha. Pandai eh advice orang to be proud of themselves. Thank you! ^^

MARSH``: NATNITNOT. im starting to miss all my fellow friends. including you. how we managed to sort out mr chua's ppr & gave a hi5 at the end. hahaa. congrats on your results alright. take care partner.
Nat - Hahaha. Yeah, but I'm really thankful I dropped POA. Kalau tidak ITE sia, confirm. Why does everyone keep congratulating me nie. Step I did well je! -.-" You did better than me, babe.

raily: nat darling, youre linked and i love ya too!
Nat - Yay! Thank you lovely :)

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

- How veryyyyyyyyy true lah! This thing scares me.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

- o.o True. Butttttttt, I don't like the way they put it. Why use Greedy? HAHA.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

- Yeah, more like they DON'T want to handle me kan. Bwahaha. Yesyesyesyes. Mischievious and more. I've heard.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

- Aha! Finally. I am certainly not incredibly happy. Unless I keep eating happy pills. Kan Zu, kan?

You are usually the best at everything... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

- Put your hands up for detroit! (This is getting dull. They're always correct.)

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

- HAHAHAHAHA MACAM FAHAM.

Okay honestly, I'm just very bored. I have no job, I'm no longer waiting for something rrrrreally huge to happen (O's results), I still have to wait till school starts. I think I need a job. Help? ):

ordinary people

I have not updated since, I'm not really sure when. Anyways, just a few days back the day that we had all been waiting for arrived. Yes it was most definitely nerve wrecking. I was not able to sleep as soon as the news reached my ears. For some reason, I was excited. I was excited because I thought I was finally going to achieve my targets. The targets I penned down before Olevels even started. The targets for 6 subjects which I thought I had complete control of. Well, obviously.. I was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I left the school that day without looking back, without bothering about my sister who was calling out for me, without answering anyone who questioned my results, without feeling the scorching Sun. I was devastated. I expected myself to do better. Yes, I was full of it. Yes, I'm sure now that I know my results, I had expected tooooooo much of myself. I didn't breakdown right after, no. It took me about 15minutes to digest everything. I was walking home in the hot hot hot weather, ahead of my sister who had agreed to follow to give me support, with my hand over my mouth - crying. Crying over the subjects I failed? No. I didn't fail any. Crying over the fact that I knew I could've done better. Crying over not putting in enough effort. Crying over the fact that my parents will think the examiners were just being merciful. Or, they were drinking champagne while marking my papers. Right, all that drama aside. I am very thankful that I passed all. I'm thankful that I'm eligible for JC & Poly. I'm thankful that I managed to go somewhere. I cannot wait to go for MassComm. Eventhough private, I think I'll have fun nonetheless. I never did make a New Year's resolution. So here's one now. I shall work hard. I shall be the first, amongst my siblings to make it to the U at a young age. I shall make Ibu proud. I shan't let her cry anymore. I shan't waste Dad's money. I will prove them wrong.

Oh yes, before I hit the sheets. One more issue I'd like to touch on. Sometimes I rrrrrrrrrreally wonder if I've chosen the right friends. I mean, really. This is not to drop hints on anyone or offend anybody in particular. I just, wonder. Seriously.. Friends come & go. They really do, at a fast rate pulak tu. Just a few days ago, I had people I could count on, people I could go to for entertainment, people I could talk to even if it was just a piece of paper I lost. And then the minute you get your results, satisfying or not, they *poof* disappear. HAHA. Yes, certain ones do stay. But those were just meant to be, like we just ate a whole book of chemistry. Right, ignore that line. Anyways, yeah. Is it really so very difficult to keep in touch? Ask about one's well-being? Or just pretend you care? -.-" And you call yourself friends. in 2008, I'm gna try to not be as nice a person as I was in late 07. Because no one asks for an inch when they know they can get a metre. (why does this sound funny?) Whatever it is, Imma have to start a whole new circle of friends. Unless of course we ate chemistry textbooks together. (Aiya, meaning we have chemistry lah and that you'll still be in my heart. HAHA.)

Just when you thought life was full of it. You feel, empty.