I seriously feel that my confidence is fading away. Layer by layer. And I have got to salvage the situation before it all sinks in and kills me. Thus, I hope that with the help of Han, I will be able to lose weight. Meeting him after raya for a full demonstration of what my daily work out plan would be like. I am excited, but worried too. Worried I'd go against my word. Hmm.

It's no longer a joke man, really. I think I've put on so much weight. So much so I find it really difficult to wear something and be happy with it every morning. And I think as a 17 year old girl, I shouldn't need to go through that. Because I am not even halfway through life. Unless of course I die tomorrow, God forbids. Whatever it is, I must lose weight. Even if I lose a few of my limbs in the process. Hahaha shattap.

One more issue I've yet to deal with. I want so badly to write good english. My english is getting from bad to worse. I used to be able to construct a perfect sentence without having to think so hard. But now, I'd have to go through it a few times in my head just to make sure it's not gramatically unsound. I realise I've become so much of a lazy person. I can't be bothered with myself, which is beyond sad. Because if I don't bother, who else will? I brood over the most trivial issues, worry my head off for absolutely nothing. Sometimes I think having an overly mature manner of thinking is a burden. Cs I tend to worry much more than I should as the youngest. Roll your eyes as much as you want while reading what's above, just bear in mind that you have no right to judge. :)

I think the trip to Bahrain will go through some problems here and there. Because of the graduation project. And I'd hate to procastinate and push the trip to another date cs I wouldn't want to disappoint the sister. Zomg, just thinking of how it'd be if it was cancelled, is making me want to self-destruct. I hope i'll feel better soon. Because all this is making me more subtle and less jovial. Which I hate. I am supposed to make people smile, I am supposed to keep myself smiling. I wouldn't want to worry about issues which aren't anywhere close to important.

"Ya Allah, berikanlah aku ketenangan. Bersihkanlah hatiku yang berlumur dosa ini. Masukkanlah ku daripada pintu kebenaran, keluarkanlah ku daripada pintu kebenaran juga. Maka, anugerahkanlah kepadaku seorang penolong. Amin."

Ps: seeing you at the mosque this morning made me feel an emotion i haven't felt in a long time. just those few mili seconds, and i have with me now a whole bag of assurance. i now know that what you say is true, and you know what i say is true too.