I'm back from Malaysia. Initially, I had no idea I was going to overnight at my aunt's place. Mum told me only in the morning. And I'm guessing it's cs she was afraid I'd object. Which was what happened exactly. Hahaha. It's not that I'm spoilt and don't like the company of them cousins. It's just that it's a wedding, a big event. And we aren't the only ones who will stay there. Instead of helping and making things easier for them, we'll be an obstruction. Nonetheless, this explanation of mine got me nowhere. We stayed, for a night.

Undeniably, I had fun. Ended up not sleeping. So I made up for it today. :) Got home, and slept like a pig. Or whatever animal which sleeps a lot. I have many many pictures but I left my camera with my cousin so I'll upload them when I get it back tomorrow. I want my very own camera. One I can throw around and drop and use and charge and not charge and scratch at my own expense. Do I save, or do I wait for my birthday? ;)

Talking about my birthday, my mum was making a huge fuss about renting a chalet and celebrating my seventeeth. I disagreed because I'm only turning 17, not 21. And seriously, I don't think many people will turn up. I have not many friends you know. Hoho. Anyways, yeah. The conversation got very loud. Hahahaha not rude loud, but excited loud. In the end 3 of my aunts and my cousins got involved and yadda yadda. Ironically, we did not resolve the issue. Cs we ended up talking about Hari Raya. Welcome to the Tulus family.

The wedding was disorganised and my family seemed disfunctional. However the fun I had within these 2 days was definitely refreshing and brought me back to reality. I could feel out of sorts, I could feel like I don't belong, you could be a lawyer, you could be a farmer, you could be selling pisang goreng/roti john by the side of the road. But as family, none of that should matter because blood is afterall thicker than water.

I don't actually know where I'm going with this entry of mine, but I still feel like going on. While snapping pictures, and watching my cousin on the pelamin yesterday, Kak Nor and I looked at each other and coincidentally we could see tears in each other eyes. We were happy, but sad at the same time because Mak couldn't be with us. And what killed us inside was the fact that Mak had actually foreseen that night. She had told Kak Nor how much she had wanted to go for the wedding. Because then she'll be able to see her grandchildren, nieces/nephews, and siblings. I broke down and so did Kak Nor. With cameras in our hands, and the atmosphere so cheery, we cried. We sobbed. It's funny how things happen so fast, and although you really want to, you cannot stop it from occuring. If it's time to go, it's time to go.

I am not sure about you guys out there but family means everything to me. The principles my family have will stay with me right till the end. As harsh and as blunt as they are, they know how to make everything better. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has such a family. A family which was built on pure love. Look at the amount of junk I've typed. I feel like I'm really blessed. And sometimes I hate myself. Because I know I'm not thankful/grateful enough for what I was born into. I love everyone in my family. And I'm not only talking about my direct family, but my extended family.

Photos will be uploaded as soon as possible. ♥

Ps: I feel bad. I feel bad because I haven't been spending time with a person whom I call my best friend. I'm sorry we had to go separate ways and I'm sorry all we've worked towards didn't actually happen. Sometimes I feel really horrible because it seems as though I don't bother, but it hurts at the same time because I actually do. I care so much but I don't know how else to show it.