"i render myself powerless"

I am only 48hours away from the day I have waited years/months for. For those who are reading this and have no idea about what's happening, I am flying off on the 4th of June (Wednesday) to Mecca. To fulfil my Umrah. Hence, before I leave I must take this opportunity, eventhough only virtually, to seek amnesty & pardon. What I am about to type out is certainly from the deepest possible depression in my heart. Here goes:

I am someone who is fully flawed. Despite the fact that I try to overcome my flaws, I am afterall human. I am also someone who speaks my mind. Unfortunately, sometimes, I do not think about what will happen or who I'll hurt when I actually do. I have learnt that honesty is NOT always the best policy. Therefore, to everyone who I've hurt, scarred, upset - I am terribly sorry. I am sorry for the things I have said, done, not said & not done. Also, if I owe any one of you readers money, please get back to me. I want to be as unsoiled spiritually as possible before I leave. If you think I owe you an apology (personally) approach me. I will miss all of you bananas/monsters/babies. Pray that I go and come back safe. Thank you. ♥

ps: i will show you mak. i will prove to you that it is true what you said - that I am lucky because I am given the opportunity to go for Umrah. i miss you already.