The comp's down & has been sent for repair. Am using dad's powerbook G4 instead. Not too user-friendly /:
Ps: This post is all about my emotions so skip it if you want. Nothing interesting, period.

It's unfair how they keep expecting so much from me. It's unfair how they plant every wish of theirs in me & expect it to bloom in just a measly few days. It's unfair how they tell me to do things & then contradict their choices. It's unfair how I'm the youngest and yet am needed to be the most matured. It's unfair how I'm 16 and told to think about everyone else except myself. It's unfair how I don't even get to be selfish and think about myself alone. It's unfair how all I'm doing is what they want me to, but they make it sounds like I'm the one who CHOSE to do it. What's worse is that they're the ones I need most yet they're the ones who keep running me down. It's funny how they don't actually know me inside out. Yes, I might be being a total baby about this. Well, I miss being a baby. I miss being the youngest. How am I to accomplish every single thing my other siblings failed to accomplish? How am I to compensate them the "losses" when I can't even make my own decisions? Tsk. I feel seriously miserable.

It's as though I've done something so so so so wrong to not deserve your attention. It's like, I'm a stranger all of a sudden. I rrrrrrrreally don't need the cold shoulder treatment anymore. If you think I really deserve it, then talk to me. Tell me why. At least I'll actually have a reason to repent. Grrrrrr. I was very thrilled upon knowing that I will be going for MassComm. But now, I'm just unsure. I don't know whether I should be excited or scared. Afraid that you'll send some to kill me when I don't do well. I'm sorry if I've let you down, I'm sorry if I wasn't the smartest/best/most hardworking/most polite daughter ever, but I'll always try. Yes, always. Just, please. Stop running me down like this. I don't think I have any courage/confidence in me left to build myself back up after you're done with all the negativity.

Sometimes I think, I AM a failure ):):):